Studying Love

This week's post is about the spiritual practice of study.

Here's the problem: I study all the time. I go to a Bible college, where I have to take at least one Bible or Theology class every semester! I think I have a handle on what the Bible is all about.

However, if you read my Spiritual Autobiography, you may remember that reading the Word of God was the thing that drew me closer to God. I understand (and am still growing to understand) the fact that scripture is living and active. Thus, even though I am surrounded by constant study of the Bible, taking time to understand what God is trying to say to me through repetitive and concentrated study is never wasted time.

Even though I recognize the usefulness of studying the Bible, it was hard for me to come up with a way to practice this discipline, because I wanted to do something that was different from what I do in school. Thankfully, our professor recommended reading a passage of the Bible twice a day over a period of time. She specifically recommended 1 Corinthians 13, the all-too-famous love passage. I decided to take her up on that suggestion.

The first day, I was a little skeptical. As I read, I thought, "Yeah, I do a pretty good job of loving people. I am kind, I do not delight in evil, I protect the people I love. I am doing well in this area." I could also name a few people who I knew did not love very well.

And then I thought "Whoa, now, Sara. You are not approaching this text with a loving attitude." The next time I read, I tried to look at it in a different light. I examined myself. The first few verses of the chapter hit home Paul's point that anything I do is futile if it does not stem out of love. I was convicted. I fail at loving people; both the people I do like and the people I do not like. I fail at doing things out of love; I do things out of obligation or of stubbornness or selfishness. Certainly not out of love.

The next few times, I had similar convicting experiences. Then, yesterday morning and the night before, I had something of an epiphany.

First, some background: Over the past month or so, I have begun to consider changing my career path a little bit. I have started to feel a pull in a direction I never thought I would go, but is on my heart constantly. The thought of this change is so exciting to me that I have had trouble discerning whether it is change in itself that excites me, if it seems like it would be "easier" than my current path and that is what excites me, or if it is really a call from God and that is what excites me.

As I read this passage with the attitude of love, and also of contemplation, the first few verses again stuck out to me:

"If I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." 

Okay, so this text was not the lightning bolt from the sky that I've been hoping would shed some extremely direct light on the situation. It did not say, "Choose path B." But it did help me realize how I need to approach this decision. It helped me understand how to "choose" my path.

With love.

As I make this life decision, I have to consider which path will lead me to love more. One path has all the appearance of love, but I feel like I may not be able to genuinely love in the way I am called to do so. On the other path it may be harder to discern how I will show love, but it is also the path that I will be able to love more freely in.

And maybe my attitude about that will change. I have only been meditating on this scripture for five and a half days. I still need to pray, continue to seek the wisdom of those who have been in my place before, and see the doors that God opens up for me. But this scripture is the first step on the road to making a final decision.

I'll let you know how that goes.

May your love abound,
Sara Joy