Often, when I think of meditation, I think of monks sitting in a church in some sort of silent prayer. Sometimes, I think of meditation as reading the Bible. I always think of meditation as intimidating. Is meditation supposed to reveal some mystic message from God? Is it just a time to find your inner balance with the assistance of a few Bible verses? This week, we were supposed to practice the discipline of meditation. As we discussed this in class, I felt like I was learning about a whole new concept. One of the things we talked about that struck me was how humans tend to need a mediator between ourselves and God. In meditation, it's just us. Alone with God. Now if that doesn't scare you, what does?
But at the same time, it's exciting. Yes?
I did not know what to expect from my period of meditation. One of the problems was that I spent forever worrying about when I would meditate. I had a packed schedule all Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, which would be my ideal times to meditate. To say the least, I found it ironic that I was stressing so much about something that was supposed to (maybe?) make me feel at peace.
I finally figured it out, and sneaked away to do my meditation on a freezing, windy morning. I was determined to do my meditation outside, because, I mean, who meditates indoors like a chump? (Just kidding, for those of you who like to avoid frostbite.)
While I was out there, battling the cold and feeling self-conscious about my rubber-ducky fleece blanket I had towed outside with me, I tried some of the things that Richard Foster talks about in his book, Celebration of Discipline. I first calmed myself down and pictured Jesus sitting with me. Then I gave all the things on my mind to God. Let me tell you, that was a long list. Then I sat there for a moment: empty.
Next, I prayed that God would fill me up with things that would help me stop worrying about all the stuff I had just given to him. I prayed that he would fill me with peace and love and all that kind of warm and fuzzy stuff. And then I sat.
And sat. (And shivered... it was quite chilly.)
And waited for some miracle to happen. Maybe I would have an epiphany and God would tell me exactly what he wanted me to do with my life. Maybe I would have a vision of Jesus picking me up and saying something profound to me.
Nothing happened, so naturally my mind went back to what I had been worrying about: my homework, my sick friend, my career choice.
Then I would remember that this time was for meditating, not worrying. I would try to focus my wandering on things like the fat squirrel romping by, or the way the wind was sifting through the bright orange leaves of the autumn trees. At least those would focus on nature. And to some extent, that worked. I felt I was enjoying God's creation.
And that was that. No epiphanies, no visions. Even so, it was wonderful to have a quiet time. I talked to God, and I felt his presence, even amid all the worry and wandering thoughts.
I'll be honest, though, and say that my meditation experience did not have a profound effect on the rest of my day. I went back to my apartment and looked at the list of homework assignments I had to get done that day. My exact verbal reaction: "Shit." Probably not the greatest thing to say, especially when you've just come back from a meditation session.
Even so, as I said before, I see how meditation can be a useful tool in bringing oneself closer to God. I enjoyed the quiet time and the chance to be away from all the stress I was experiencing. It felt good to purposely remove myself from the clutter of everyday life. My challenge to myself is to allow that experience to carry over into the rest of my day. I wonder how we can encourage one another in our Jesus-following communities to pursue this discipline. I think it would be so healthy to unplug-- don't bring your headphones or your cell phone with you. Don't even bring your Bible. Let it just be you and God. If we all did that, maybe at least one of us would have that life-altering epiphany.
I'll ponder that some more.
Until next week,
Sara Joy
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