Part 2: Changing Plans

Click here to read Part 1: Discovery

 Until the end of high school, I kept growing. I especially learned how to let God change the plan I had for my life. As many of you readers know, I am a student at Kuyper College. However, it was not my plan to come here until my senior year of high school. All through elementary and high school, I had planned to go to Calvin College. I’m not really sure what brought on the change that caused me to come to Kuyper. I volunteered in the Kuyper library the summer before my senior year, which got me connected with some of the staff, faculty and student workers there. It was a slow process of God showing me all the things I could be a part of. Suddenly, I woke up one morning during my senior year and thought, “I’m going to Kuyper College.” So that is what I did.

 The fact that I am here now is a wonderful blessing. Through that experience, God taught me that even though I think I have a plan, he has a better one. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if I didn’t go here. One thing is for sure: you wouldn’t be reading this massive blog post.

 Another important step I took in learning that God always has a better idea up his sleeve was going to Facing Your Future the summer after I graduated high school. Facing Your Future is a program put on by Calvin Seminary for juniors and seniors interested in going into some type of ministry. There are about 30 students from all over the United States and Canada who attend the program. Signing up for this was waaay out of my comfort zone. I did it because my youth leader basically told me I had to (there is a pattern of this in my life).  I sent in the application, but I prayed that I wouldn’t get it. Unfortunately for me, I was accepted into the program. I decided to take it as a sign from God. So I went.

 FYF turned out to be the best three weeks of my life. I made great friends, I learned about God, and I was able to see ways I could practice ministry as a social worker. It reconfirmed my decision to attend Kuyper and pursue a social work major.

 While I was there, I happened to meet a boy who lived in West Michigan. I had finally gotten over my boyfriend from high school and was ready to start afresh. Because going on FYF felt so God-ordained, I thought that if I met someone there, that would be God-ordained, too.I thought that since I finally sincerely loved God, the man of my dreams would come as a reward for that.Turns out, that's not how it works. We dated for about 8 months and he decided to call it quits. And you know what? I am okay with that. God had something better in store for me. But it did not feel like that right away. At first it felt like God had taken away something that he had promised to me. 

 This was definitely another period of trial. I still struggle around this issue, in fact. For some reason, relationships with boys are my sensitive spot. I want a Christ-centered relationship so badly, but I also fail so miserably at them. I feel like all my struggles with God revolve around romantic relationships with men (that is not true at all, actually. They are what I’m writing about, but God and I have had some talks about other things). Sometimes, I think it would be easier to go off into the wilderness, become a nun and avoid the temptation altogether. However, something I learned while reading about the Desert Fathers was this: “Although it is a painful struggle, I am profiting from having to carry this burden.”

 As Christians, we struggle. That’s just how it goes. It helps us endure, build our spiritual muscles, and cling to God to keep on the right path. So I am grateful for this struggle and am going to face it head-on.

 Which brings me to the next major relationship in my story, which was also another major change of plans. Again, it is one with a boy (okay, we’re adults; I suppose I should say ‘man’). A little over a year ago I started seriously liking this guy, which was very much not in my plan. Somehow he liked me back and we began dating nine months ago. This relationship is different from the other ones. I find myself turning to God when I am anxious about it, experiencing conflict, or when I am purely love-struck and content. Early on in our relationship, we discussed how we wanted God to be at the center of it. Sometimes we do a good job and sometimes we don’t. I fall into the same sin of idolizing my boyfriend that I struggled with before. Recently, I had to confess that sin to my boyfriend so that he could help me in my struggle. I have grown in my relationship with God through this relationship with this man because I have learned that it is okay to be honest with other believers. I've admitted when I have not been doing too well at reading my Bible, and he’s admitted when he is struggling as well. He has encouraged me to trust in God and not worry about the future, and I've recently been trying to remind him of the same thing. We are by no means perfect, but for the first time, I feel like I am in a relationship that is growing. It is a blessing. I was terrified to begin it, because I knew what my messy past looked like, but I think confronting my struggles has helped me grow closer to God. 

 And now I am moving into a new stage of life. I am thinking about the future, and what God has planned for me there. I've learned through my story that whatever plan I make, God has a different, better plan in store. So I’m trying not to plan. We shall have to see how that works out. In the past few weeks I have been struggling with my major and wondering if God has something else planned for me. Thanks to some wise counseling from people close to me, I have been reminded that I am here for reason. I’m trying to trust Him.

So where does this all leave me? Three words: Thankful, Struggling, Joyful. First, I am thankful for all the relationships God has put in my life. They have all taught me important things. I haven't even been able to mention my beautiful college and high school friends who have stuck with me through it all. They are a major blessing to me and I see God in them daily. Second, I am struggling. I struggle with my sin on a daily... no, make that hourly, basis. But, third, I am joyful. I am joyful because God has taken these burdens away from me. I am free in him! I have been transformed from the me that could not own her faith to the me that is working to share her faith with others. I fail. Constantly. But I live knowing that I am redeemed. I am also joyful in the fact that when hardships assail me, I am not alone. My relationship with my Heavenly Father has changed me into a new person. If I did not have Him, I know I would not be where I am today. And this relationship takes work, which is why I am taking this class and writing this blog. I can't wait to see how he transforms me in the future, near and far off.