Final Reflection

Here it is: the final post (Of the semester, anyway).

Bear with me; this is an extremely long reflection in response to six questions. I have a lot to say, and I am going to say it. So there.

1. Foster says spiritual disciplines are not designed to be ends in themselves, but are intended to facilitate a person's journey into greater freedom in living a Christ-like life. How did your practice for the disciplines this semester (either some in particular or all together) help you grow in your faith in and obedience to God?

This semester, I learned a lot. I began with so much drive and optimism because I was starting this living-learning community, I was living with friends I loved and everything was great. I felt that if there was ever a time to grow spiritually, it was now. Spiritual Formation has been a class I have looked forward to taking ever since I started college. I entered the class hoping to learn about new ways to grow closer to God. Little did I know that not only would I have a few new tools in my toolbox of spirituality, but I would come away with a new perspective on spiritual disciplines. I have been-- get ready for the buzzword-- transformed.
What was my old view? That spiritual disciplines were for the radical. They were for the super-spiritual, the eccentric, the educated. What is my new view? The spiritual disciplines are for everybody. There must be some level of education that comes along with practicing them, but spiritual disciplines are not only for the high and mighty. They are for the busy people and the unoccupied people. They are for the new Christian and the seasoned Christian. Additionally, the spiritual disciplines are not just for experimenting. They are meant to be practiced over and over again so that we can experience true growth.
Thus, one way I have grown this semester is in increased appreciation for the spiritual disciplines. But that's not all.
I am not sure what people on the outside perceive, but within myself I know I have changed from the person I was at the beginning of the semester. This is due to many factors, not just the disciplines, but as I examine my inward self I see transformation. I see within myself a new spirit of peace. I have plenty of things to be anxious about, but I have been training my mind to focus on God rather than myself. Almost all the disciplines we practiced enforced this type of attitude: simplicity, study, confession, fasting, solitude... through these God has been slowly scraping off my shell of anxiety and replacing it with a gentle shroud of peace. I have come to more easily put the little things in God's hands and let him have his way. As I have done so, I have seen many rewards.
One example of this is that I began to practice the Sabbath out of inspiration from the class. I did my best to avoid doing homework on Sundays, although sometimes it was inevitable. Even so, I was amazed with how God used those times to work on my heart. I read the Bible a lot this semester. I was able to interact with different people on Sundays. And somehow, my homework always managed to get done, as though God opened up extra hours in the day so that I could have Sundays to rest in Him. Anyway, that is just a little bit of a tangent, but I have seen these practical and also somewhat intangible examples of growth in myself this semester.

2. What were some of the distractions or hindrances that kept you from practicing, or practicing to the fullest, the assigned disciplines this semester? What does this show you about yourself? How do you plan to address this area (or these ares) of struggle?

My biggest distraction was time, to be honest. I noticed as I read my blogs that though I practiced the disciplines, I started to get lazy with them. I still enjoyed practicing them and learned a lot, but I was not always as invested as I could be. This was due to the fact that I had so much going on academically, especially in October and the beginning of November. It was like a never-ending flood of midterms, papers, presentations and projects. I felt like this spiritual formation homework could not take as much time as it deserved, since I had so many other things on my plate. One thing I think this shows me is that I over-commit. I have known this about myself forever, but it was never more true than this semester. I have to work on not doing too much, but choosing to do the things that matter. At this point, there is not much I can do to avoid the busyness. I took a few less hours at one of my jobs for next semester, but that was all I could shave off. However, I have been contemplating upping the ante for my Sabbath rest by spending time volunteering at church. This is still in the beginning stages, and there are many factors that will affect whether I do it or not. I do not want to do too much, but I feel like church is, first of all, an important place to invest time, and second of all, a rest from the usual tasks I find myself doing.
All in all, I have been learning that God cares about how spend our time. When I have given time to him, he has blessed me in return. I am going to continue to focus on spending time for him, rather than myself.


3. Identify three disciplines you think mesh together well and explain how you see them interrelating. How would you plan to practice them together?

Three disciplines I think mesh well together are solitude, meditation, and fasting. They all contribute to each other, I believe. Meditation is best done while one is in solitude. Solitude contributes to a more focused fasting experience. Fasting encourages deeper meditation. It's like a cycle, At least, that is what I thought as I practiced each of these. Depriving myself of food and of people is a good way for me to take the priority off myself and focus it on God. I struggled when I practiced meditation, but I have a feeling that by adding solitude and fasting to meditation, I will better be able to focus on the one thing I have left: God. **Sidenote: I am smiling to myself as I write this. We learned about the desert fathers this semester, and how they cut themselves off from society and did crazy spiritual warfare out in the wilderness. I thought they were crazy. But here I am, describing what is essentially a desert fathers experience, as a good way to draw closer to God. Yikes. Yet, here are my two cents: Yes, these practices will help me personally. But they will probably not benefit those around me. Thus, after I have my "desert fathers experience", I will be intentional about being a blessing to those I interact with as a result of my own personal growth. In this way, I hope to go beyond what those crazy desert dwellers did.

4. Identify one discipline you would urge a new believer to practice. How would you instruct them in the discipline? Why do you think this discipline is especially well-suited to the formation of a new believer?

One discipline I would encourage a new believer to practice is worship. I think this discipline is well-suited to the formation of a new believer because often we are not purposefully invested in worship. As I said in my blog post about worship, we come to church and sing and leave with a spiritual high, but that is about it. In my post, I talked about practicing preparation. I learned that preparation is an important part of worship. When I prepare, it's like doing warm-ups before a soccer game. I warm up so it won't take me twenty minutes to get into the flow of playing. This way, I can play to the best of my ability the whole time. It is essentially the same in worship. When we prepare, we are able to appreciate how the worship leader has formed the service, we are able to genuinely interact with our fellow church members, and we are ready to listen to what the preacher has been led to speak about that day. It's pointless to only half participate; therefore let's do what we can to contribute the most and get the most from our worship experience. I would probably explain this discipline to a new believer the way I just did. I will explain to them that church is an important aspect of becoming a Christian. In our society, it seems to be a fad for people to say that they like "Jesus" but don't like "religion." I don't want to let my newly believing friends to fall into this trap. Church may seem "religious" but it is a beautiful way to interact with God and with the body of believers. Once again, I tangent. Summary: Preparing for worship is beneficial to a new Christian because it helps them grow spiritually and keeps them safe from the lies that society may tell them about Christianity.

5. Spiritual disciplines fortify believers against some of the universal struggles and weaknesses all Christians have battled against. Identify and describe an area of weakness you observe in the Kuyper College student population. What spiritual discipline, if corporately practiced, would target this area of weakness and why?

One area of weakness I think I see in the Kuyper College community is that as a whole, we have a huge ego. We are all so proud of our knowledge of the Bible and our calling to do ministry. So many of us think we already know it all and that whatever way we act is automatically God-honoring. We tend to broadcast the good things we do but avoid the bad. We will bring up prayer requests in class for a friend who is struggling spiritually, but never for ourselves. This is why I think confession would be a good practice for the whole community of Kuyper College to try. Being truly honest about what our daily struggles and sins are can be a freeing and humbling experience. If people here were able to confess their sins with each other, it would help us remember that we all have sin. This realization can in turn help us even more in our ministry as we witness to other people who struggle with sin and are searching for forgiveness.

6. What advice would you give to the next class of spiritual formation students at Kuyper College who will be practicing these disciplines?

A piece of advice I would give to students taking spiritual formation next semester is: TAKE IT SERIOUSLY! It could be easy to practice these disciplines on a surface level without truly trying to grow. I began this semester excited about what were going to do... and I am still excited about it. By allowing God to truly use these disciplines to transform you, you will see yourself become involved in a deeper relationship with Him.

Submission... for sissies?

I cringe when I hear the word, "submit."

It sounds so ominous and intimidating, like a teacher walking around the classroom while students take a test.

In high school, if someone told me I had to submit, I would say, "Submission is for sissies." When I think of submission, I think of giving up. I think of surrendering the white flag and hanging your head down as your opponent walks all over you.

Newsflash: THAT'S NOT WHAT SUBMISSION REALLY IS.

...What?

Foster puts it like this: "Submission... is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way."

For me, sometimes that is a very hard thing. I am a somewhat spoiled child (even though we may have had a simple childhood as I've said previously, that didn't mean that our parents didn't spoil us) who gets her way often.

It takes a lot for me to admit that I am wrong. I will own up to that weakness in my life. Therefore, thinking of submission as a freedom from getting our own way is something of an epiphany for me. Instead of being a pushover, having a submissive spirit is allowing yourself to love another person completely. I like that. I like that a lot.

Therefore, this week I planned to practice submission by generally having a submissive spirit. I did well at the beginning of the weekend when I began my practice. On Friday, my laptop crashed. I took a deep breath and set it aside to think about it later when I could take it to the IT department. I also went to get church directory pictures taken, and the schedule was way behind, so my family and I had to wait much longer than anticipated. I took that as an opportunity to be patient with the staff by not complaining. On Saturday, someone asked me for a ride to a party and even though I was not planning on driving, I said yes, because it was a way to show that person love. On Sunday night, I had to listen to someone try to explain the Bible who honestly is not that engaging of a speaker. I took that as an opportunity to honor that speaker by paying attention as best I could and praying for a patient heart. And in the beginning of the week, when I had to encounter a professor I can't stand stand, I prayed for a submissive spirit that would allow me to show the proper respect to them and not complain about everything they said.

I was by no means perfect this week. I complained and rolled my eyes and put in my two cents when I had the chance, even if it was unnecessary  But it was during these instances that I reminded myself to practice submission and try to approach life with a content and joyful spirit, no matter the circumstances. As I practiced, I thought, "Why can't I have this attitude all the time?" It was really good for me, especially since this was the last week of classes and I had plenty of things to stress me out. This was a great discipline to end the semester on. I plan to continue to remind myself to let go of my ego and let God take over. It surprised me how often I was able to remind myself this week to practice submission, and I fully believe it was God working on my heart. This is a lesson I need to learn, and God knows that, so he was really driving the point home. I learned that submission isn't for sissies. It takes some guts to let others have their way.


Peace to you,
Sara Joy

P.S. Don't worry, even though it's the end of the semester this isn't my last post! A few more to come. :)

Solitude and Silence

I suck at being alone.

I mean, I am terrified of it. That can be seen by the title of this blog-- transforming in community. I do not enjoy transforming all by myself.

However, I do have this inner longing to be closer with God. Everyone does.

The thought of practicing this discipline was the most terrifying for me. But now, as I have practiced it and given it some thought, I have left it with a sense of inner peace I have not felt in-- well, maybe my whole life. In some ways, I wish I was still alone, instead of being in a house full of people as I type this on my laptop. So, let me give you a run-down on what I did week's spiritual practice.

Mode of practice: walk around Reeds Lake; a path that is a little over 4 miles long. Alone.

Equipment: Underarmour shirt-1. Warm sweatshirt-1. Outer shell-1. Wool socks-2. Ski hat-1. Scarf, wrapped numerous times around ears, neck and chin-1. Cozy gloves-2. iPod- none. Cellphone- silent. Car keys- 1 set.

As I walked, all I did was think. Well, sometimes I thought. Sometimes I just rested and focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

I had no life-altering revelations, but that was not what I was going for here (I've learned throughout the course of this semester that these disciplines require repeated practice if we truly want to have deep growth happen inside of us).  Instead, I have a few observations for you.

Observation 1: I can't be silent.
I really can't. When I am alone, I usually sing to myself. Or talk to myself. I tried really, really hard to stay quiet so I wouldn't distract myself. A few times, the words of a song would spit themselves out of my mouth, but after I realized what I was doing, I stopped again. Not that I think there is anything wrong with talking. However, I found the silence to be invigorating. I didn't want to disrupt it. The only words I spoke the whole time I was alone were while I was in the car, after my walk. A driver committed a certain driving violation, and, in my snarky way, I had to tell her off in the safety of my own car. I was a little disappointed in myself that all I had to say was something negative, but there you go. I am depraved.

Observation 2: There is always a rhythm.
As I walked, my shoes pounded out a slow, steady beat. And, since I always have at least one song running through my head, the beat kept the song going. As soon as I began walking the trail, the words to "I Surrender All" came into my head. For a full hour and a half I repeated over and over, "All to Jesus, I surrender. All to him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him; in his presence daily live. I surrender all. All to thee, my blessed Savior. I surrender all." So, as I walked, I surrendered it all. Something I noticed about this process was that as I surrendered, I was comforted. By this point in my walk, I was completely zoned in on me and Jesus. I was not allowing myself to stress about anything else. So as I surrendered, I did not worry about what God would do. I didn't even manufacture the feeling of contentment that I sometimes do. I genuinely gave it to him. And instead of feeling out of control and anxious, I felt free.

Observation 3: Snow.
It snowed. So very much. And no matter which direction I was walking, somehow the snow managed to always be flying directly in my face. But that is not the point. I noticed as I walked that the snowflakes were falling perfectly-- I could see each six-pointed shape as it cascaded down from the sky. Each one would rest on the path for a moment, and then disappear. I put my hands out in front of me and caught a snowflake. A perfect one. I let it rest on my glove for a solid three minutes. I must have looked like a complete lunatic to the few cars that drove by-- walking slowly, staring intently at my glove. But I didn't care. I was amazed at the tiny crystal in my hand. I felt like it was my duty to protect this little guy from danger. After I turned the snowflake over and over in my hand, I decided it was time to say goodbye. I breathed on it, once, twice, three times, ever so gently. And it slowly, peacefully, melted away. A few minutes later, as I stared up in the sky, a sense of the wonder at creation overwhelmed me and I felt myself begin to cry. I let the emotion roll over me and through me and around me until all I could feel was awe. Our God is amazing and beautiful.

Observation 4: Sounds
I heard my footsteps, my breathing, the rustle of my coat. I heard the wind whip through the trees. I heard the heavy snowflakes fall on the pavement. I heard cars drive by. I heard people talking. I heard police sirens. I heard a squirrel romping through crunchy leaves. I heard the leaves crinkle on the pathway.I heard it all, and closed my eyes, so I could hear more. It amazing how many sounds you can find when you are being silent.

Observation 5: It wasn't as bad as I thought.
I didn't want it to end. That is, until I reached the three mile mark and the snow really started pelting my face. I couldn't see, I was freezing cold and my foot kind of hurt. But I wanted to remain in the silence. I wanted to keep being alone with God. We talked; although I mostly talked. And sometimes we were quiet together, but God was there the whole time. I was afraid to go into the world and be distracted from the connection I had with God while I was alone with Him. I'm managing, but I look forward to practicing this discipline again.

And those are my observations. Maybe not profound or life-altering, but they are real. Ultimately, I learned the value of solitude and silence. Hopefully I can begin to translate this practice into my everyday life; finding ways to be alone with God even when I'm not all alone on a sidewalk being attacked by a snowstorm.

Peace to you,
Sara Joy

Simply seeking God

When I think of simplicity, the words of Henry David Thoreau echo in my mind: Simplify, simplify, simplify!

All right, already. I think I got the message, Henry.

In this day and age of Pinterest and smartphones and credit cards the call to simplify can seem like a call from the past. Even Christians get sucked into our materialistic culture and ask, "Didn't God bless me with money so I can have all these nice things?"

Umm.... hate to break it to you, but probably not.

Living simply is a way for Christians to truly utilize the gifts they have been given to do better for others. Christians can be generous with the things they have and avoid getting things they do not need. In a society where we encounter millions of advertisements a day, it is hard to make the distinction between what we want and what we need, but a distinction there is nonetheless. What helps us to make the distinction is laid out for us in Matthew 6:33:

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

When we put God first, everything falls into place. No matter how many times I hear this, it still rings true. When we put God first, the things we own and invest our money in do not seem to matter as much. When we put God first, living simply becomes the natural thing to do.

The idea of living simply is not a new one to me. Growing up, my parents did not buy things we did not need.  I had a strict dress code/ uniform in high school which meant my clothes back then were simple. It was never the "things" that mattered. Sometimes I was a little bit embarrassed that we didn't have cable television or a cottage to go to in the summertime, but they were not things I missed when I was growing up (instead I learned to enjoy my friends' cottages and cable TV).

Interestingly enough, it was not until I started college that I started to grow away from the simple lifestyle I was used to. I was free to do what I wanted; to have the the things I wanted (and needed). I formed vanity about all my unique things-- my polka-dotted frying pan, my pink antique lamp, my exotic futon. The few extra dollars it cost to have something unique over the standard item was well worth it in my eyes.

This thinking overwhelmingly applied to clothes. In part because of the dress code I grew up with, I had a limited selection of "normal" clothes. When I got to college, I bought clothes left and right. Even so, I do not have an excessive amount of clothes. What I do have is an assortment of pieces that I take great pride in. I love this yellow cardigan, and those pink pants, and that blue scarf. When I get dressed in the morning, I look forward to the compliments I am sure to get that day on my outfit. And if anyone dares to have the same item of clothing as I do, it immediately goes to the bottom of the drawer. Uniqueness is my thing. Don't mess with it.

So now I sound like a psychotic protector of clothing. I'm not crazy, I promise. I just want to give some background in order to explain what I chose to do for my practice of simplicity this week. After much thought and wrestling, I decided to wear only plain t-shirts and jeans for a week. As in the free, box-shaped t-shirts that you get from visiting colleges and doing service projects. I have plenty of those, and I only wear them when I work out (which has become a rare occurrence recently).

I forgot on the first day of my practice, grabbing an outfit that I looked forward to wearing that day. Then I remembered: t-shirt! So I sadly put away my sophisticated clothes and put on my purple Kuyper College tee. At least I was showing some school spirit.

And, just like that, I got through this week. Acting out the practice did not bring me any spiritual epiphanies, although I did realize that dressing simply is SO much quicker and easier than stressing about choosing clothes for the day. I also learned that people liked me when I wore plain clothes just as much as when I dressed up (my boyfriend was sure to remind me I am still beautiful even when my hair is in a ponytail and I'm wearing a t-shirt. Love that guy). So maybe the overall thing I will take away from this week is that simplicity breeds contentment. I knew that I was not trying to impress others, so why would I waste time wishing I was gaining other people's approval? I was content in my own skin and enjoyed the peace that brought to my surprisingly hectic week.

However, as hinted at before, I did not do a good job of truly seeking God this week. My real spiritual challenge came at the beginning of the week when I was deciding how to practice this discipline. God did work on my heart then, and I have been convicted about the worth I put into my necessary but *unique* possessions. I seek to continue working on that. I have been especially convicted about seeking God's kingdom first. I have been distracted the past few days, but I want to get back on track.

So I'm seeking first his kingdom. I look forward to the simplicity that will hopefully follow.

Thanks for reading,
Sara Joy

Studying Love

This week's post is about the spiritual practice of study.

Here's the problem: I study all the time. I go to a Bible college, where I have to take at least one Bible or Theology class every semester! I think I have a handle on what the Bible is all about.

However, if you read my Spiritual Autobiography, you may remember that reading the Word of God was the thing that drew me closer to God. I understand (and am still growing to understand) the fact that scripture is living and active. Thus, even though I am surrounded by constant study of the Bible, taking time to understand what God is trying to say to me through repetitive and concentrated study is never wasted time.

Even though I recognize the usefulness of studying the Bible, it was hard for me to come up with a way to practice this discipline, because I wanted to do something that was different from what I do in school. Thankfully, our professor recommended reading a passage of the Bible twice a day over a period of time. She specifically recommended 1 Corinthians 13, the all-too-famous love passage. I decided to take her up on that suggestion.

The first day, I was a little skeptical. As I read, I thought, "Yeah, I do a pretty good job of loving people. I am kind, I do not delight in evil, I protect the people I love. I am doing well in this area." I could also name a few people who I knew did not love very well.

And then I thought "Whoa, now, Sara. You are not approaching this text with a loving attitude." The next time I read, I tried to look at it in a different light. I examined myself. The first few verses of the chapter hit home Paul's point that anything I do is futile if it does not stem out of love. I was convicted. I fail at loving people; both the people I do like and the people I do not like. I fail at doing things out of love; I do things out of obligation or of stubbornness or selfishness. Certainly not out of love.

The next few times, I had similar convicting experiences. Then, yesterday morning and the night before, I had something of an epiphany.

First, some background: Over the past month or so, I have begun to consider changing my career path a little bit. I have started to feel a pull in a direction I never thought I would go, but is on my heart constantly. The thought of this change is so exciting to me that I have had trouble discerning whether it is change in itself that excites me, if it seems like it would be "easier" than my current path and that is what excites me, or if it is really a call from God and that is what excites me.

As I read this passage with the attitude of love, and also of contemplation, the first few verses again stuck out to me:

"If I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." 

Okay, so this text was not the lightning bolt from the sky that I've been hoping would shed some extremely direct light on the situation. It did not say, "Choose path B." But it did help me realize how I need to approach this decision. It helped me understand how to "choose" my path.

With love.

As I make this life decision, I have to consider which path will lead me to love more. One path has all the appearance of love, but I feel like I may not be able to genuinely love in the way I am called to do so. On the other path it may be harder to discern how I will show love, but it is also the path that I will be able to love more freely in.

And maybe my attitude about that will change. I have only been meditating on this scripture for five and a half days. I still need to pray, continue to seek the wisdom of those who have been in my place before, and see the doors that God opens up for me. But this scripture is the first step on the road to making a final decision.

I'll let you know how that goes.

May your love abound,
Sara Joy

Fasting and Filling

Fasting is feasting on the Word of God.

Chew on that one for a while.

When I think of fasting, I think of radical Christians who are extremely self-disciplined and in tune with the Holy Spirit. I think of people who have a holy aura about them, as though abstaining from food makes one person more righteous than another person. Additionally, I think that people who fast are crazy.

Food is good. I like it. God gave us food, which is awesome. And my mother is a good cook, which makes me enjoy food even more (when I get the chance to go home, that is). In fact, in our household, we have so many memories and inside jokes around food it's almost unreal.

I have never thought fasting from food was necessary for "normal" Christians, such as myself. I have heard that people who fast feel closer to God, but I honestly had no idea, before I fasted this weekend, what that actually meant. I have, however, fasted from things like Pinterest, Facebook, solitaire, and normal breakfast food (I ate only oatmeal ) for Lent. Fasting from those things was either a reminder to pray, or a lesson on how to spend my time in more God-honoring ways. However, fasting from these never required me to fully depend on God. When I fasted before, I tended to turn to other time-consuming things that still did not cause me to get more involved in the Word of God.

Thus, I decided to really abstain from food this time. Foster recommends starting small for beginners, so I decided to fast from lunch on Sunday to lunch on Monday, meaning I would skip two meals. I felt a little bit like I was not giving enough, but let me tell you, skipping those two meals was excruciating for me.

First of all, practically minutes after I was done eating lunch (and convincing myself I could have dessert, too), I noticed my roommate had put new candy in the our candy dish, so what did I do? Helped myself. Approximately ten minutes later, when I realized what I was doing, I spit it out. But I didn't let that one hiccup get me down. I was still feeling confident about my fast.

As dinner time rolled around, I started to feel sorry for myself. Everyone was eating! Except me. And then my roommate started snacking, and even snacks I am not a huge fan of started to sound good. I felt myself getting a teensy bit grumpy that I did not get to eat.

Then I remembered: Oh! The point of fasting is to feast on the word of God! So I started to read the Bible. And read, and read, and read. Over the period of my 22 hour fast (okay, Sunday lunch is late and I have to eat lunch early on Mondays because of my schedule, so it couldn't be a full 24 hours...) I read 21 chapters of the Bible (which is a lot for me... I'm not sure how many chapters other people try to read on a daily basis). I even started sneakily reading a chapter in one of my classes because, let me tell you, I was hungry. And when I was reading the Bible, my stomach grumbled less.

In addition to this crazy amount of Bible reading, I found myself praying more. As I was doing the dishes, I prayed. As I was worshiping on Sunday night, I had to stop singing in order to sit down and pray. Tears began rolling down my cheeks as I was convicted by the words being sung and the words in my heart.

I don't really get it. It was like this mystical thing where my dependence on food was suddenly transferred to dependence on God. I loved it.

One of the most profound things I noticed in my fast was that I didn't even have room in my brain to fall into the "normal" sins I commit. I was basically too busy to think about those sins because I was thinking about food. I feel like it is pathetic that it was so difficult for me to skip two measly meals. I kept thinking about how much I just wanted to eat. And you could say that my fixation on food was its own type of sin. But I think I also view it as a release from my usual self. This fast allowed me to draw closer to God because the thing I was struggling had to do with my very survival; it was not the trivial things that cause me to stumble. I didn't want to have anything to do with those other sins because if I did, they would take me away from my lifeline: Jesus.

So now I am trying to work on that. I am trying to remember that I really do depend on God for daily life, and that I do not have to be a victim to my sin. I am also remembering that, no, I don't have to eat that candy bar.

Even though my stomach was empty for those few hours, I was filling up with the grace of God. Thanks be to Him.

May you be filled with the Holy Spirit,
Sara Joy

Practicing Prayer (by accident)

I apologize, right off the bat, for this blog post. We were supposed to practice prayer this week, and I am pretty sure I failed.

I failed because I had planned to do one sort of prayer, and found myself doing another. The problem was, this "other" sort of prayer has been somewhat in my routine of late. It was not necessarily stretching. I did not feel like I was practicing anything new.

But I talked to God. So that should count, right?

Okay, I'll give some background.

Prayer has been on my mind in a particular way this semester because part of the living-learning community that I am a part of is that we lead Bible studies, and the one I happen to co-lead is about prayer. This Bible study is focused on what the Bible has to say about prayer, but it is also extremely practical, too. We spend a large portion of our Bible studies praying. Each week, we have a different practice of prayer that we focus on, so we all get a chance to act it out. In doing this, I have been learning about different ways to pray throughout the day.

So I feel like I took a shortcut because my practice of prayer was acted out during Bible study. I didn't mean for that to be the experience I wanted to write about, but when I looked back in Celebration of Discipline to get an idea of how I wanted to practice prayer, I realized that my prayer during Bible study addressed aspects of prayer that Foster talked about.

The best part about this prayer is that it was so organic. One of the members shared how she was struggling spiritually. As we were discussing prayer, as usual, she brought up the point that Foster addresses in Celebration of Discipline: "It is easy for us to be defeated right at the outset because we have been taught that everything in the universe is already set, and so things cannot be changed. And if things cannot be changed, why pray?"

Our Bible study turned into a prayer session for her and for the spiritual warfare that has been pervading our campus. We didn't cover all the points we had laid out to discuss, but that was not important. What was important was that we took the chance to uplift our sister. I prayed with the expectation that what we were praying for would happen, trying to exemplify the Bible pray-ers that Foster brings up right after he writes the aforementioned quote.

This also incorporated practicing prayer against evil. This semester, there has been a crazy amount of spiritual warfare. I have never felt so much spiritual oppression in my life, perhaps because I am growing spiritually and because so many people at our college are on fire for God. I have prayed against it many times in the past few months, which is why I feel guilty for writing about this prayer, because I have been practicing it a lot lately. Yet every time, it is a new battle. I am honored to be able to fight in this war and speak the name of Jesus against evil. Even so, sometimes it is hard. But I do know that the power of prayer is astounding.

Through prayer, we have the privilege to participate in God's plan. Yes, he has everything planned out, but our prayers do have significance.

The great thing is, I checked in with our struggling sister today and she is doing much better. She has felt God's presence and had some good conversations with people who have encouraged her. It was an answer to our prayer. I realized as I was checking in with her how rarely I go back to see if my prayers were answered. Sometimes when I pray for other people, it is hard, and even a little uncomfortable, to ask them how they are doing. What if God did not answer our prayer in the way we wanted? What if the cancer came back, or the student failed their exam, or the friend did get the abortion? What do we do then?

My answer would be, pray some more. Pray, as Foster advises, for guidance. When we ask for guidance before we pray, according to Foster, we will already know what God's will is. And to add to his point, praying for guidance even after our petitions go unanswered can help us understand, even the tiniest bit, why things happened the way they did. It might not be an answer that gives us complete satisfaction in the situation, but it can at least start to give us peace. And sometimes we will never understand.

I think that is all I have to say. I failed at practicing prayer because I did not go out of my way to practice what I wanted to practice. Despite my depravity, however, I was able to experience God in another prayer experience. I learned this week that it can be daunting to pray, especially because God has everything planned out. But I also learned how valuable prayer is, and what a privilege it is to commune with God, who is so big but takes the time to talk with me.

I am praying for a profound last line to this blog post, but nothing is coming to me. Maybe God doesn't want me to be earth-shattering? I don't know. I'll pray about that next.

Until next week,
Sara Joy

Part 2: Changing Plans

Click here to read Part 1: Discovery

 Until the end of high school, I kept growing. I especially learned how to let God change the plan I had for my life. As many of you readers know, I am a student at Kuyper College. However, it was not my plan to come here until my senior year of high school. All through elementary and high school, I had planned to go to Calvin College. I’m not really sure what brought on the change that caused me to come to Kuyper. I volunteered in the Kuyper library the summer before my senior year, which got me connected with some of the staff, faculty and student workers there. It was a slow process of God showing me all the things I could be a part of. Suddenly, I woke up one morning during my senior year and thought, “I’m going to Kuyper College.” So that is what I did.

 The fact that I am here now is a wonderful blessing. Through that experience, God taught me that even though I think I have a plan, he has a better one. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if I didn’t go here. One thing is for sure: you wouldn’t be reading this massive blog post.

 Another important step I took in learning that God always has a better idea up his sleeve was going to Facing Your Future the summer after I graduated high school. Facing Your Future is a program put on by Calvin Seminary for juniors and seniors interested in going into some type of ministry. There are about 30 students from all over the United States and Canada who attend the program. Signing up for this was waaay out of my comfort zone. I did it because my youth leader basically told me I had to (there is a pattern of this in my life).  I sent in the application, but I prayed that I wouldn’t get it. Unfortunately for me, I was accepted into the program. I decided to take it as a sign from God. So I went.

 FYF turned out to be the best three weeks of my life. I made great friends, I learned about God, and I was able to see ways I could practice ministry as a social worker. It reconfirmed my decision to attend Kuyper and pursue a social work major.

 While I was there, I happened to meet a boy who lived in West Michigan. I had finally gotten over my boyfriend from high school and was ready to start afresh. Because going on FYF felt so God-ordained, I thought that if I met someone there, that would be God-ordained, too.I thought that since I finally sincerely loved God, the man of my dreams would come as a reward for that.Turns out, that's not how it works. We dated for about 8 months and he decided to call it quits. And you know what? I am okay with that. God had something better in store for me. But it did not feel like that right away. At first it felt like God had taken away something that he had promised to me. 

 This was definitely another period of trial. I still struggle around this issue, in fact. For some reason, relationships with boys are my sensitive spot. I want a Christ-centered relationship so badly, but I also fail so miserably at them. I feel like all my struggles with God revolve around romantic relationships with men (that is not true at all, actually. They are what I’m writing about, but God and I have had some talks about other things). Sometimes, I think it would be easier to go off into the wilderness, become a nun and avoid the temptation altogether. However, something I learned while reading about the Desert Fathers was this: “Although it is a painful struggle, I am profiting from having to carry this burden.”

 As Christians, we struggle. That’s just how it goes. It helps us endure, build our spiritual muscles, and cling to God to keep on the right path. So I am grateful for this struggle and am going to face it head-on.

 Which brings me to the next major relationship in my story, which was also another major change of plans. Again, it is one with a boy (okay, we’re adults; I suppose I should say ‘man’). A little over a year ago I started seriously liking this guy, which was very much not in my plan. Somehow he liked me back and we began dating nine months ago. This relationship is different from the other ones. I find myself turning to God when I am anxious about it, experiencing conflict, or when I am purely love-struck and content. Early on in our relationship, we discussed how we wanted God to be at the center of it. Sometimes we do a good job and sometimes we don’t. I fall into the same sin of idolizing my boyfriend that I struggled with before. Recently, I had to confess that sin to my boyfriend so that he could help me in my struggle. I have grown in my relationship with God through this relationship with this man because I have learned that it is okay to be honest with other believers. I've admitted when I have not been doing too well at reading my Bible, and he’s admitted when he is struggling as well. He has encouraged me to trust in God and not worry about the future, and I've recently been trying to remind him of the same thing. We are by no means perfect, but for the first time, I feel like I am in a relationship that is growing. It is a blessing. I was terrified to begin it, because I knew what my messy past looked like, but I think confronting my struggles has helped me grow closer to God. 

 And now I am moving into a new stage of life. I am thinking about the future, and what God has planned for me there. I've learned through my story that whatever plan I make, God has a different, better plan in store. So I’m trying not to plan. We shall have to see how that works out. In the past few weeks I have been struggling with my major and wondering if God has something else planned for me. Thanks to some wise counseling from people close to me, I have been reminded that I am here for reason. I’m trying to trust Him.

So where does this all leave me? Three words: Thankful, Struggling, Joyful. First, I am thankful for all the relationships God has put in my life. They have all taught me important things. I haven't even been able to mention my beautiful college and high school friends who have stuck with me through it all. They are a major blessing to me and I see God in them daily. Second, I am struggling. I struggle with my sin on a daily... no, make that hourly, basis. But, third, I am joyful. I am joyful because God has taken these burdens away from me. I am free in him! I have been transformed from the me that could not own her faith to the me that is working to share her faith with others. I fail. Constantly. But I live knowing that I am redeemed. I am also joyful in the fact that when hardships assail me, I am not alone. My relationship with my Heavenly Father has changed me into a new person. If I did not have Him, I know I would not be where I am today. And this relationship takes work, which is why I am taking this class and writing this blog. I can't wait to see how he transforms me in the future, near and far off. 

                

Part 1: Discovery

 There is one thing you should know about me: I love people. People give me energy and purpose. When people do not love me back, I am devastated. When people encourage me, I do my best to succeed in order to please them. In my spiritual journey, I have interacted with a great number of people. In fact, I would go so far as to say that my spiritual journey revolves around the relationships I have built (or unbuilt) with people throughout my life. These relationships have all, in some way or another, fed into the greatest relationship of all: mine with Jesus.

 So let’s start at the beginning.  I grew up in a Christian home. My first significant relationships were with my parents, who were involved in ministry, living in Turkey. To say the least, I was always surrounded by Jesus-followers. My whole life, my parents have been a great example of God’s unconditional love for me. When I was very young and got in trouble, my parents would put me in time-out. After I had thought about what I did, my dad would come into my bedroom, and we would talk about it. At the end, he would say, “How much do I love you? This much?” and he would hold his hands a few inches apart. “No!” I would say. “You love me BIG much!” And we would open our arms as wide as they would go and tumble into a great big hug. What I saw through this was that God loves me no matter what I do. I learned that saying sorry makes people feel better. I learned that sometimes you don’t need proper grammar to tell someone how much you love them, especially when you are telling God.

 As I moved into adolescence, I began to see God as a real being rather than an idea that my parents shared with me growing up. However, I was doubtful of his true existence. I did a great job of getting A’s in Bible class and memorizing verses. But it was hard for me to feel God’s real presence. Especially when my relationships with my friends were not doing so well. I had the typical hellish middle school experience, full of boy-drama and catty girls and climactic bathroom interventions. In the midst of that, I also had some God experiences. I remember one specific instance when a friend of mine was extremely nervous before a performance of our middle school play. I sat down with her and we prayed. That was a very significant moment for me, because for probably the first time I had shared God with someone else.

 Even so, I was far from truly discovering God. I was in an atmosphere saturated with knowledge about the Bible, catechism, and worship songs. Nothing was my own. This is the root of my problem. I struggle with discerning the line between what is my actual relationship with God and what is my relationship with the environment around me. As I have learned: they are not the same thing.

 This has never been more obvious than in my relationship with my high school boyfriend. To some, this may seem silly. Who has a significant relationship when they’re an underclassman in high school?

 Well, me.

 My life revolved around my boyfriend. I would fantasize about him constantly, I would tell him all my secrets, and I would spend a majority of my time at school with him. When things with us were going well, my relationship with God was going well. When things with my boyfriend were going badly, my relationship with God was going badly. My boyfriend was my idol—it was not God I worshiped. Eventually, though, the ups and downs took their toll. My boyfriend and I broke up at the end of the summer before my junior year.

 When we broke up, I felt like the world around me crumbled, even though I had been the one who broke it off. I had no desire to pray or read the Bible. The words in the Bible were like ashes in my 

mouth- dry, dusty, and gross. I did not want to talk to anyone in my family—I hardly even talked to my friends. This period in my life could be known as “relationship-less.” And that may explain why it was such a dark time. Because I found all my worth in my boyfriend, when he was taken out of the picture I had nothing left. Because he has been my god, I no longer had any meaning in my life. And one thing I did know: I had absolutely no desire to turn to the God that I had learned about my whole life. 

 Ironically, during this time I was a part of my high school youth group’s leadership team. The only reason was because my youth pastor wanted me to be. We had our first meeting of the year, before school started. We had to go around the room and share why we were excited to be on leadership. I honestly could not think of a single reason. People were sharing things like, “I’m passionate about youth group!” “I want to learn more about God!” But all I said was, “I respect the leaders and want to spend more time with them.” Translation: I was forced to be here today.

 Even though I had the worst attitude possible, God managed to work through others to get to me. We had a speaker that day that encouraged us to recognize a change we had to make in our life, set a goal to change it, and to get an accountability partner to help us make that change. For a long time, I stared at the paper he gave us to write down our thoughts. I did not want to make a real change. I knew I could pray more, read my Bible more, and generally love God more. So I scribbled down “pray more” and “read the Bible more.” I knew I wasn't going to do them, though. I did not take the exercise seriously at all. Since I had to, I wrote down my math teacher, Michele, as an accountability partner because she was my favorite teacher. We left the meeting and I was fully expecting this inspiring talk to be like all other inspiring talks—they affect you for about a day or so, but then you carry on with your life and forget about them. But I could not shake this talk, no matter how hard I tried. My math teacher’s face kept popping up in my head. Every time I would see her, my heart would squirm. For two weeks, the thought that I had to talk to her would not leave my head. So I finally decided to talk to her. I rationalized with myself, saying I didn't even have to talk to her about God. I could just talk to her about the boy drama I was currently experiencing (because, long story short, my ex-boyfriend and I were having some drama). So after a few failed attempts, I finally went up to her and said, “Can we talk sometime?”

 “Sure!” she said. “What about?”

 “Oh, just… boy stuff. And… God stuff.” Oops! It came out! I admitted I wanted to talk about God to her! She smiled and said, “Okay, how about next week Thursday after school?” So I nodded my head and left her classroom. The tension in my stomach eased. When we went out for coffee, we talked for hours. First, we covered drama, of course. And she gave me some sound advice. But then we got to the real stuff. I took a deep breath. “Why do you believe in God?” I asked her.

 Fortunately, Michele had the words ready. I don’t even remember all of them now, but I do remember that I was struggling to pay attention. A lot of it went over my head. It didn't matter that I had all this Bible education before; I just did not get it. But I saw her joy in talking about God. How could someone so intelligent like Michele have such enthusiasm in talking about a being that she could not see? If she believed, it had to be true. She gave me a tool to read the Bible that she thought would help me. It is known as SOAP (you can do your own research on that). I went home that night, somewhat skeptical, but ready to try it. The verse was about God hiding his people from evil. Regarding the boyfriend drama I was experiencing, that was exactly what I needed to read. I saw that God was going to protect me. So I continued to read the Bible. As the weeks and months went on, I would see patterns in my readings, and I began to see how I was being changed. I saw how Scripture was living and active. No longer were the words of the Bible old and dry. They were full and rich with meaning. They were being gently whispered to me by my loving Savior. I was utterly transformed through the Word of God, all by itself.

 I continued meeting with Michele. She kept me accountable and encouraged me. I still had questions about faith.  But I stuck with it, and God kept drawing me closer to himself.  Eventually, a few months after our initial coffee date, I said that I really wanted a way to act out my faith now. I finally knew it was real, and I needed to take the next step. She knew exactly that that was what I was going to say. She asked me if I would like to be a Discipleship leader at school. At my high school, we split off into small groups known as Discipleship groups after chapel. They are usually led by a faculty or staff member, a parent volunteer, or a senior class leader. I was only a junior, but Michele thought I was ready to be a leader for people younger than me. I was intimidated, but jumped at the opportunity.

 My first official day of being a discipleship leader was also my 17^th birthday. That morning, as part of the discipleship leader’s group, I helped lead devotions for the faculty and staff before school started. In this devotion session, I shared my testimony of how God had worked in my life. Needless to say, it was an amazing day of growth for me. It was probably the best birthday ever. In some ways, I regard it as my birth into God’s family because I was, for the first time, owning my identity as a child of God. However, God was not finished with me yet. 

Click here to read Part 2: Changing Plans

Making a Mess of Meditation

Often, when I think of meditation, I think of monks sitting in a church in some sort of silent prayer. Sometimes, I think of meditation as reading the Bible. I always think of meditation as intimidating. Is meditation supposed to reveal some mystic message from God? Is it just a time to find your inner balance with the assistance of a few Bible verses? This week, we were supposed to practice the discipline of meditation. As we discussed this in class, I felt like I was learning about a whole new concept. One of the things we talked about that struck me was how humans tend to need a mediator between ourselves and God. In meditation, it's just us. Alone with God. Now if that doesn't scare you, what does?

But at the same time, it's exciting. Yes?

I did not know what to expect from my period of meditation. One of the problems was that I spent forever worrying about when I would meditate. I had a packed schedule all Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, which would be my ideal times to meditate. To say the least, I found it ironic that I was stressing so much about something that was supposed to (maybe?) make me feel at peace.

I finally figured it out, and sneaked away to do my meditation on a freezing, windy morning. I was determined to do my meditation outside, because, I mean, who meditates indoors like a chump? (Just kidding, for those of you who like to avoid frostbite.)

While I was out there, battling the cold and feeling self-conscious about my rubber-ducky fleece blanket I had towed outside with me, I tried some of the things that Richard Foster talks about in his book, Celebration of Discipline. I first calmed myself down and pictured Jesus sitting with me. Then I gave all the things on my mind to God. Let me tell you, that was a long list. Then I sat there for a moment: empty.

Next, I prayed that God would fill me up with things that would help me stop worrying about all the stuff I had just given to him. I prayed that he would fill me with peace and love and all that kind of warm and fuzzy stuff. And then I sat.

And sat. (And shivered... it was quite chilly.)

And waited for some miracle to happen. Maybe I would have an epiphany and God would tell me exactly what he wanted me to do with my life. Maybe I would have a vision of Jesus picking me up and saying something profound to me.

Nothing happened, so naturally my mind went back to what I had been worrying about: my homework, my sick friend, my career choice.

Then I would remember that this time was for meditating, not worrying. I would try to focus my wandering on things like the fat squirrel romping by, or the way the wind was sifting through the bright orange leaves of the autumn trees. At least those would focus on nature. And to some extent, that worked. I felt I was enjoying God's creation.

And that was that. No epiphanies, no visions. Even so, it was wonderful to have a quiet time. I talked to God, and I felt his presence, even amid all the worry and wandering thoughts.

I'll be honest, though, and say that my meditation experience did not have a profound effect on the rest of my day. I went back to my apartment and looked at the list of homework assignments I had to get done that day. My exact verbal reaction: "Shit." Probably not the greatest thing to say, especially when you've just come back from a meditation session.

Even so, as I said before, I see how meditation can be a useful tool in bringing oneself closer to God. I enjoyed the quiet time and the chance to be away from all the stress I was experiencing. It felt good to purposely remove myself from the clutter of everyday life. My challenge to myself is to allow that experience to carry over into the rest of my day. I wonder how we can encourage one another in our Jesus-following communities to pursue this discipline. I think it would be so healthy to unplug-- don't bring your headphones or your cell phone with you. Don't even bring your Bible. Let it just be you and God. If we all did that, maybe at least one of us would have that life-altering epiphany.

I'll ponder that some more.

Until next week,
Sara Joy

Confession and Transformation

In her book, Girl Meets God, Lauren Winner devotes a chapter to her experience with the practice of confession. The first time she went to a priest to confess, she felt awkward and exposed, but eventually she came around to the idea. "I say confession," she writes, "because the church teaches that we should, and I say it because, when I don't, I feel over-full... in a sticky, sweaty, eaten-too much way."

That is how I felt before I practiced confession this week. As you have probably read, last week I wrote out my confessions before church on Sunday. That was helpful. But there is something about voicing your sins-- your disgusting, private sins-- to another human being that makes you truly feel forgiven and renewed. It is something you feel you should do, but you just don't (just why that is can be a discussion for a later date).

It was an act of God that pushed me to do a confession with another person. A friend, who is also in this spiritual formation class, asked me to confess with her. We went out into the wooded trails on our college campus, on a perfect fall day. We caught up for a while, and eventually flowed into confessing our sins. We were raw, open and honest. I told her things I struggled with that I hate to admit to people besides myself (and honestly, even admitting my sins to myself is difficult). I finished, and looked up at her, hoping she would not think I was a horrible Jesus follower. Instead of judgment, she looked into my eyes with encouragement. "Your sins have been forgiven," she said. I closed my eyes, and exhaled. It is true. My sins have been washed clean.

By pronouncing what my sins were, I was owning up to them. I was admitting that I was not proud of them. I was bringing someone else into my struggle. I was revealing that I want to change.

Honestly, confessing my sins is often discouraging. I confess, want to change, and then I fall right back into that same, stupid sin. Yet knowing that I had to confess to one of my peers-- in addition to writing about it in a blog post-- made me think a little more about how I was going to respond. After confession, my friend encouraged me in ways to work on the struggles I had shared with her. The rest of the day, I remained in prayer and later in the week I talked about my struggle with a few other people and asked them  to pray for me as I confronted my sin. I was determined to do it right this time.

Long story short: I think I am making some progress. Winner also writes in her book, "the point [of confession] is not just to be forgiven, it is to be transformed" (emphasis added). As I re-read it in preparation to write this post, I had to smile when I came to that quote. That is what this blog is about, right? Being transformed. And I could not do so if I did not have community (close friends and internet audience alike) around me to encourage me to do so.

So here's to transformation. Here's to letting go of the old things and welcoming in the new. I encourage you, if you have not done so, to find someone to confess your sins with in this coming week.

God bless,
Sara Joy

Preparing for Worship

This week's post is about worship.

I enjoy worship. I love forgetting what is outside and focusing on what is going on in the chapel, church, dorm room or stairwell in which I am worshiping. Most of the time, a song we sang or a passage we read will particularly stand out to me, and I will write the lyrics in my Facebook status or on my wrist to remind me of how I felt using those words to worship God. Often I will think of my worship experience throughout the following day or week and think, "Yeah, God. Thank you for that time of worship."

...But.

Especially after learning about the spiritual practice of worship this past week, I do not think this is the full response to worship we should have. It struck me that worship does not only involve showing up to church, getting filled with the Spirit there, and then going out into the world with your new spiritual high.

It is about preparation.

I operate on the philosophy that fashionably late is right on time, meaning it is hard for me to leave for church or for chapel at my college until the last possible minute. I usually show up in a rush and sit down just as the music is starting. It is not until at least twenty minutes into the singing that I am really ready to genuinely worship my Lord and Savior.

Preparation is not one of my strong points. But this weekend was the time to change! I resolved to get ready for church on Sunday morning by going to bed early Saturday night and waking up on Sunday with time to prepare my heart for the service. Going to bed on Saturday was the trickiest part, since there were, of course, social events going on around campus and as a part of this living-learning community deal I am a little obligated to attend these events (not that I dislike them-- I would go even if I didn't have to). Eventually, I managed to sneak away, and got into bed a little after 11 pm. Sunday morning I woke up well-rested and realized that getting up earlier than usual meant that I had all sorts of time to get ready, eat breakfast, and get my hair and makeup just right.

Errr.... and then I realized I only had forty minutes until I had to leave for church. I had been planning to spend an hour with God before church. {Fail.}

After rolling my eyes at my depraved self, I got down to it. I read from the Bible, and wrote in my prayer/meditation journal for a while. As I wrote, I began to talk about all the tiny ways I had seen God in the past week. Then I spent a while writing my confessions for the week. I wrote for a good thirty minutes, filling pages with my revelations. Because I had spent so long writing, I was late for church (ha) but even so, I felt prepared to enter worship that day. I will not go into all the details of Sunday morning, since this post is already too long, but let me tell you, God was there. By examining myself before the service and getting my heart right with God and with other around me, I was ready to invest in worshiping my Savior, not just waiting for the worship songs to do something to me. I was ready to pour into others by praying for people during church rather than sitting in the service like a vacuum prepared to take in whatever edifying tidbits I could gather from the pastor and the people sitting next to me.

To sum up: Lesson learned this week = Worship is a before, during, and after thing.

Next week I plan to spent time again preparing myself for church. Learning about this practice makes me want to make this small change in my routine and think of Sundays differently.
The best thing about all this, of course, is that this preparation, if up to me, would have failed. I would have spent extra time in front of the mirror, less time reading the Bible, and probably no time reflecting on it. However, it was God working in me that led me to feel energized and rejuvenated. All glory to Him.

Until next time,
~Sara Joy~

*Note: Some readers may want to point out that worship is an ongoing experience. We should continually be in worship to our Savior. And worship is not only singing songs and praying. It is how we act and what we do that also constitutes worship, as it says in Romans 12:1- "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-- this is your true and proper worship." Okay, okay, you are right. But there is no denying that when you enter a place of worship, such as church on Sunday morning, there is an expectancy and a presence that is not always around during the week. We have church so we can gather together with the body of believers and worship Christ together. There is no denying that Sunday mornings are special. I am learning to treat them that way.

Introduction

The title of this blog, "Transforming in Community" is nothing catchy or clever. It is merely honest. This blog is setting out to be honest and real. One of the things that God has been teaching me in the past year is that Christians are supposed to be open with each other. We should encourage each other in the Body of Christ not only through sharing wisdom and praise with one another, but sharing our struggles. As it says in James 5:16: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." Being raw and vulnerable with one another is what truly grows Christian community. And if the prayers of righteous people are powerful and effective why wouldn't we want to be open with each other?
This year, I am participating in what is a called a living-learning community at my Christian college. This consists of a group of men and women living in separate on-campus apartments and throwing ourselves into learning about what it means to live in true Christian community. We have started out our study by reading "Life Together" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In addition to living in community among ourselves, we are transferring what we are learning into our larger college community by leading Bible studies and creating a general atmosphere of intentional radical living for Jesus Christ.
And God knows what he is doing, because all this living in Christian community stuff is happening while I am taking a spiritual formation class. This class requires each student to create a blog and post about what we are learning each week. Therefore, I will be reflecting not only on spiritual disciplines, but on how the things I am discovering through this class are aiding me and my fellow community members in living for Jesus.
So back to the title of this blog. The word "transform" has been the word from scripture that sticks out to me and won't leave me alone. My testimony is that of a woman who is constantly being turned into something new. The word comes from Romans 12:2-

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Well, here I go God. I am renewing my mind by learning, and letting myself be transformed by it. Through this learning I am trusting that God will transform myself and my community and that we will better understand what God's will is for our college campus and beyond.