Confession and Transformation

In her book, Girl Meets God, Lauren Winner devotes a chapter to her experience with the practice of confession. The first time she went to a priest to confess, she felt awkward and exposed, but eventually she came around to the idea. "I say confession," she writes, "because the church teaches that we should, and I say it because, when I don't, I feel over-full... in a sticky, sweaty, eaten-too much way."

That is how I felt before I practiced confession this week. As you have probably read, last week I wrote out my confessions before church on Sunday. That was helpful. But there is something about voicing your sins-- your disgusting, private sins-- to another human being that makes you truly feel forgiven and renewed. It is something you feel you should do, but you just don't (just why that is can be a discussion for a later date).

It was an act of God that pushed me to do a confession with another person. A friend, who is also in this spiritual formation class, asked me to confess with her. We went out into the wooded trails on our college campus, on a perfect fall day. We caught up for a while, and eventually flowed into confessing our sins. We were raw, open and honest. I told her things I struggled with that I hate to admit to people besides myself (and honestly, even admitting my sins to myself is difficult). I finished, and looked up at her, hoping she would not think I was a horrible Jesus follower. Instead of judgment, she looked into my eyes with encouragement. "Your sins have been forgiven," she said. I closed my eyes, and exhaled. It is true. My sins have been washed clean.

By pronouncing what my sins were, I was owning up to them. I was admitting that I was not proud of them. I was bringing someone else into my struggle. I was revealing that I want to change.

Honestly, confessing my sins is often discouraging. I confess, want to change, and then I fall right back into that same, stupid sin. Yet knowing that I had to confess to one of my peers-- in addition to writing about it in a blog post-- made me think a little more about how I was going to respond. After confession, my friend encouraged me in ways to work on the struggles I had shared with her. The rest of the day, I remained in prayer and later in the week I talked about my struggle with a few other people and asked them  to pray for me as I confronted my sin. I was determined to do it right this time.

Long story short: I think I am making some progress. Winner also writes in her book, "the point [of confession] is not just to be forgiven, it is to be transformed" (emphasis added). As I re-read it in preparation to write this post, I had to smile when I came to that quote. That is what this blog is about, right? Being transformed. And I could not do so if I did not have community (close friends and internet audience alike) around me to encourage me to do so.

So here's to transformation. Here's to letting go of the old things and welcoming in the new. I encourage you, if you have not done so, to find someone to confess your sins with in this coming week.

God bless,
Sara Joy