Fasting and Filling

Fasting is feasting on the Word of God.

Chew on that one for a while.

When I think of fasting, I think of radical Christians who are extremely self-disciplined and in tune with the Holy Spirit. I think of people who have a holy aura about them, as though abstaining from food makes one person more righteous than another person. Additionally, I think that people who fast are crazy.

Food is good. I like it. God gave us food, which is awesome. And my mother is a good cook, which makes me enjoy food even more (when I get the chance to go home, that is). In fact, in our household, we have so many memories and inside jokes around food it's almost unreal.

I have never thought fasting from food was necessary for "normal" Christians, such as myself. I have heard that people who fast feel closer to God, but I honestly had no idea, before I fasted this weekend, what that actually meant. I have, however, fasted from things like Pinterest, Facebook, solitaire, and normal breakfast food (I ate only oatmeal ) for Lent. Fasting from those things was either a reminder to pray, or a lesson on how to spend my time in more God-honoring ways. However, fasting from these never required me to fully depend on God. When I fasted before, I tended to turn to other time-consuming things that still did not cause me to get more involved in the Word of God.

Thus, I decided to really abstain from food this time. Foster recommends starting small for beginners, so I decided to fast from lunch on Sunday to lunch on Monday, meaning I would skip two meals. I felt a little bit like I was not giving enough, but let me tell you, skipping those two meals was excruciating for me.

First of all, practically minutes after I was done eating lunch (and convincing myself I could have dessert, too), I noticed my roommate had put new candy in the our candy dish, so what did I do? Helped myself. Approximately ten minutes later, when I realized what I was doing, I spit it out. But I didn't let that one hiccup get me down. I was still feeling confident about my fast.

As dinner time rolled around, I started to feel sorry for myself. Everyone was eating! Except me. And then my roommate started snacking, and even snacks I am not a huge fan of started to sound good. I felt myself getting a teensy bit grumpy that I did not get to eat.

Then I remembered: Oh! The point of fasting is to feast on the word of God! So I started to read the Bible. And read, and read, and read. Over the period of my 22 hour fast (okay, Sunday lunch is late and I have to eat lunch early on Mondays because of my schedule, so it couldn't be a full 24 hours...) I read 21 chapters of the Bible (which is a lot for me... I'm not sure how many chapters other people try to read on a daily basis). I even started sneakily reading a chapter in one of my classes because, let me tell you, I was hungry. And when I was reading the Bible, my stomach grumbled less.

In addition to this crazy amount of Bible reading, I found myself praying more. As I was doing the dishes, I prayed. As I was worshiping on Sunday night, I had to stop singing in order to sit down and pray. Tears began rolling down my cheeks as I was convicted by the words being sung and the words in my heart.

I don't really get it. It was like this mystical thing where my dependence on food was suddenly transferred to dependence on God. I loved it.

One of the most profound things I noticed in my fast was that I didn't even have room in my brain to fall into the "normal" sins I commit. I was basically too busy to think about those sins because I was thinking about food. I feel like it is pathetic that it was so difficult for me to skip two measly meals. I kept thinking about how much I just wanted to eat. And you could say that my fixation on food was its own type of sin. But I think I also view it as a release from my usual self. This fast allowed me to draw closer to God because the thing I was struggling had to do with my very survival; it was not the trivial things that cause me to stumble. I didn't want to have anything to do with those other sins because if I did, they would take me away from my lifeline: Jesus.

So now I am trying to work on that. I am trying to remember that I really do depend on God for daily life, and that I do not have to be a victim to my sin. I am also remembering that, no, I don't have to eat that candy bar.

Even though my stomach was empty for those few hours, I was filling up with the grace of God. Thanks be to Him.

May you be filled with the Holy Spirit,
Sara Joy